So it's come to This

         Well, I guess you can invite people to share a "information-super-highway-journal" with you, but you can't make them actually write in it. Andy could be dead for all we here at Ok Times know. Dead and, as he often was in life, full of maggots. Maggots and beer. And pornography. Maggots and beer and pornography. All three. Dana's probably busy teaching the dying children of sub-Saharan Africa how to add appendices to their women's lit papers, or some other "worthwhile" "goal". Will we see her again? Let's "hope" so.

Which leaves me. I've got plenty of time. My 4-8 job down in the Irregular Product section of the local muffin factory, Jonah's Most Magnificent Muffinery (23rd and 2nd Ave), leaves me plenty of time to do fun things, like see how much sunblock I can eat (6 3/4 tubes), or how much sunblock I can make a cat eat (3/5 tube), or driving to the hospital for a scratched cornea when one of my stupid friend's stupid cats scratches me ON THE EYE for NO GOOD REASON! But I digress. The point of this all is that, for obvious reasons, I am challenging Dana and Andy to a fight, to be fought within the next three months, on grounds of their respective choosings, with weapons to be drawn randomly from this list:

1. Ike Turner
2. High Heeled Shoes (1 box)
3. Unexpected Tenacity
4. Any novel by Ernest Hemmingway, or that Proust guy. (not sharpened)
5. Scrabble letter tiles (2 bags)
6. Hot glue (just the glue, no guns allowed)
7. Squash (the sport, not the vegetable)
8. Kitanas
9. silenced Berringer Semi-automatic .42 caliber pistols (standard German issue)
9. A nice game of Chess
10. Thermonuclear Warfare (Did he just reference War Games? Yes. Yes, yes he did.)
11. Nerf javelins atop Mounted polar bears
12. A one hundred dollar bill (unfolded)
13. The Boxcar Children
14. Fisticuffs (although I must warn you, I boxed at Yale)

So there, consider the gauntlet thrown down, picked up, and thrown down again. I will consider a post to the site to be your acceptance of the terms in full and should you not respond within two days out of this post, be it for inconvenience or the cowardly coward's fear of a coward, I will consider it your total and unconditional surrender, coward. The winner will of course recieve glory, a small monetary donation in their name to the charity of their choice, and an entire family of slaves.

Put thine dukes up.