Movie Reviews, Schmovie Schmeviews

         While Dana is engaged in her training for our imminent rumble and Andy fights the good fight against his intruding legumes, we here at Ok Times thought you could use a little heads up for the holiday movie season, the most consistently disappointing time of the year not counting the televised hockey season. Hence, a new bit: Ok Times presents: Movie Reviews, Schmovie Schmeviews: Episode I: Drastic Colon Overuse:

Aeon Flux

I’ve seen pretty girls in leather suck before, but never like this.

Syriana

Ever wish you could see an anonymous six-year old and George Clooney’s fingernails finally get their just desserts? Wish granted In this groundbreaking film from Steven Soderbergh’s precocious left testicle, George Clooney and Matt Damon fight thousands of Arabs and one black guy to an oily death, high above the futuristic oil fields of Syriana, a futuristic nation state where the remaining 1% of Earth’s population fight for survival in the future. Just who is that black guy and what is he doing for whom? Twenty dollars if you can figure it out.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

What does Disney have against my childhood? Honestly, it never did anything to Disney, except that Herbie the Love Bug incident in fourth grade, but I thought we were even after Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman shat down the collective throats of the world with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Apparently we weren’t. No, Disney had one more knife to firmly plant in the pale, fleshy back of yesteryear. Did you know that if you hang out with Liam Neeson at a Renaissance Faire for two hours you become the greatest swordsman in the world? Did you also know that if you sit in a theater for two hours watching this movie you’ll hate Santa Claus and little children? Et tu, the estate of C.S. Lewis, et tu?

Brokeback Mountain

I’ve seen cowboys suck before* but never like this.







* The Cowboy Way, City Slickers II, and Young Guns 4: These Guns is Young