Open Letters From America

         

Dear Mr Walken,

Allright, we get it. You can stop. You’re wacky, we understand. Relax.


Sincerely,
America



Dear Guy on King of Queens.

I don’t know who you think you are, but I must remind you, sir, that this country has a tradition of disliking shitty kings. Unless you are on the very cusp of reinventing your self as the Elected Public Representative of Queens (in which case your mediocrity would be expected and welcome) then let me be the thousandth to tell you to, ahem, Get Out of Me.

Sincerely
America



Dear Africa,

Let me start by saying how great it is to finally write you. We don’t see each other enough Hey, sorry about letting you die of AIDs for the last few decades. We were all really busy, you understand. I mean Britney Spears wasn’t going to make herself famous. But seriously, about the debt, well, about that debt, Haha. The thing is, we’ve fallen on kinda hard times (Did you see the gas prices? 3.50?! Whew! ) and we need you to pay up. Please send cash, check, or money order to, well who are we kidding, just give it to China next time you see her.

Sincerely
America

P.S. BFF XOXOXOXOXOX