Lies I've Told Children

         As you might not know, I don’t just sit around writing brilliant quips and revolutionary blog entries all day. In fact, I occasionally work. As an elementary substitute teacher. Sometimes in the course of daily events, I find it necessary to polish the truth a bit. I tell different lies to different age groups, but I’m not sure why. See if you can come up with a good answer and post your hypothesis as a comment. Here is a collection of exaggerations, half-truths, and lies I’ve told children:

Lies I’ve Told Kindergartners

Anybody can be in the space program.
Money doesn’t matter.
I met the President, and he says you should put your head down and be quiet.
No one’s going to hurt you.
I wrestled a bear, but it wasn’t a big one.
It’s okay to cry.

Lies I’ve Told Fourth Graders

I am very rich.
You are a great reader.
I’ve never seen a cow.
I could lift you with one arm.
Jefferson Starship is a great band from the seventies.
Love conquers all.
You know, back in the old Soviet Republic, nobody was allowed to have puppies or kittens, so they took all the puppies and all the kittens and mashed them up and let them rot in a big underground chamber that would collect all the gas from all the rotting and turn it into electricity. It powered Moscow for three years.