Martian Death Flu. . .

or food poisoning, or wrath of vengeful Greek deity. Nobody knows. One facet of life without health insurance is the necessity of self-diagnosis. Yes, you lose the accuracy of an actual doctor, but gain the freedom of an energetic layman, with no oversight board or prohibitive laws or ethics. Why limit yourself to known ailmemts? "I don't have the flu. I have Entitilitis. . of the Cockerel. Ohhh, my cockerels." But, whatever it was, it's almost over. Just a lingering feeling of general unease now. My roommate, Steph, thinks it was food poisoning from eating popcorn off the floor of the movie theater when we went o see Sin City, Saturday night. I told Steph that, "It was only one or two pieces, and the Five Second Rule is first-day-of-medical-school material, everybody knows that; now close the door so I can vomit in peace. HOOOORRRKK."
But, regardless of how or why, I've been sicker than Karen Carpenter after Thanksgiving dinner. And on the nicest day of the year so far, too. It was one of those days where you wake up and you know, "I am going to be sick all day." Then you remember all those fatal diseases like meningitis and SARS that start out with "flu-like symptoms", because there's no way to tell if you have the flu or flu-like symptoms. So you start making funeral plans and, well, it's all brown water and loud groaning from there.

Some things I've learned:

1. Pepto-Bismol tastes just as good coming back up.
2. Don't chug the Gatorade no matter how thirsty you are.
3. If you do chug the Gatorade, go ahead and do it in the bathroom, cause that's where your heading anyway.
4. No matter how much better you feel after a nap, stay away from the tater-tots.
5. Sometimes, the nicer toilet paper is worth the extra fifty cents.

Please enjoy these vomiting links. Careful, some are not for the queasy.

Physiology of Vomiting

Sass, the Incredible Vomiting Cat

Your Vomiting Baby

The Puke Club

The Vomitorium